I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
