I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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