My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
