Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish there were birth control emojis
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
