The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
