remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
