My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
