2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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