Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
