What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
