I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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