it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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