I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
