I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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