I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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