Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
