I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
