She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
honey bunches of taint.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
