So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
