went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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