Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
