Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
did you just send me my own nude
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
