i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
