my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just pee around me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
