I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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