My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
