Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
