didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
