I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
