Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
