ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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