No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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