my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
