What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
