I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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