Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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