well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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