My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
