smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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