The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
