One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
