Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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