What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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