Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
did i just pee glitter
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
