I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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