I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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