Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
