I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
