I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i barfeds in our rink
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize