the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
