Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
