STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
