Where did you get a picture of my penis
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
