I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
