You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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