I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
