So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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