I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
