I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
