Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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