his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
