i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
