and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
