I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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