you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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