Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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