you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
