everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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