Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's get the cat blown out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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