i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
