Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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