You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
