Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
