i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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