I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
