what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
