At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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