my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
